Overcoming Chaos

To say this weekend has been rough is an understatement.

My instinct is to keep things private. To discuss things is to let that wall down. To let people in is to show weakness. It goes against everything that has been bred into me since childhood. Yet sharing can be cathartic, and helps us grow.   There has been a big change in my thinking, that I just noticed over the last few days. This weekend was challenging, but I overcame it.

Photo by Hristo Fidanov

When we went to bed on Thursday, I noticed Maddie, our 10 month old Australian Shepard, was acting strange. She tried to get up and couldn’t. Her body was raked with tremors that quickly developed into full  blown seizures. It was a nightmare with my eyes open. Nothing is worse than not being able to go fast enough as your puppy  shakes uncontrollably in your husbands arms.

We were able to get her to the vet, and thankfully, she is Ok,  The Vet thinks she got into something and it had to work itself through her system.  We got incredibly lucky, and are happy to have her home. Yet it was terrifying. You know it is part of the deal, but it doesn’t make it easier emotionally.

We stayed until they had fully checked her out. We didn’t get home until 3 am Friday morning. Maddie had been given Valium and was sleeping . We had to monitor as she came down, to ensure the seizures had stopped. I was up until 5 am and missed work on Friday because of it.

The rest of the weekend was bumpy as well. My paycheck was two days late, which was a major issue.  We were not able to go out for our special dinner on Friday. I didn’t end up getting bills paid until Saturday. I also managed to get a nasty cold.  Sick and tired, it has been difficult to rest and catch up on that sleep.  The bad things just seemed to keep coming.  It has been a challenging couple of days .

But, it is important to keep moving. And I believe that my focus on positive thinking has been paying off in big ways. In the past, a weekend like this would have brought me right down. I would have stuck in a bad mood, and unable to do anything. This weekend I was able to ride out the challenges, and do it with a positive attitude. I was also able to stay productive. I  finished an entire book, and wrote.  The chores were done, and the bills paid. It was challenging, but I was able to get things despite the challenges.

It was a good weekend, despite the issues. I am learning to rise above the daily challenges, and remain positive.  There is a certain amount of pride that. life hasn’t been easy, but with the right attitude, I can overcome it. This revelation shows me what I am capable of accomplishing. It give me confidence to push into the future.

Till next time’

Colleen

Waves at Wallis

Today was a rough Monday. I felt tired, and stretched out, and couldn’t really settle. My mood was volatile, and I did only did the least expected of me. My daily life has been boring as of late. Right now, what is getting me through is the thoughts of tomorrow. The trips we are planning for this Summer is helping me through Winter. After work, I decided to look through pictures, to cheer myself up.

A few weeks back , we went out to the ocean on Sunday. We went up to the Hampton Beach. We got caught up doing family stuff, and didn’t get to the beach before sunset. My plan was to be there earlier, and the delay frustrated me. Honestly I was angry that that we didn’t get to the beach earlier. The plan to go to several beaches changed to a quick stop at Wallis sands. My opportunity seemed to have been lost. I rushed out, and began taking pictures.

Despite the challenges, it was a good trip. My pictures came out great, and It brought me peace. I got to thinking about everything on the way home. I tend to get wrapped up in things. My emotions tend to run wild, and cause problems. I get all bent out of shape when things don’t go the way they were planned. But that is life, and I have to learn to breath.

I have to let go and enjoy the twists in the road. That is when the best adventures happen.

Kennebunk Beach

On Saturday we went up to Maine for the day. It was a beautiful Winter day. It just warm enough so that wind coming off the water wasn’t bitter. The dogs played while we walked down the beach. I brought my Nikon D7100 along and was able to get some awesome pictures. I wanted to share some of the pictures I captured.

Till next time!

Colleen

Travel Essentials

Now that Thanksgiving is over we are officially into the holiday season. With that comes traveling for the holidays. Traveling can be hectic during this time of year. I think it is important to have a few go to items when you are traveling. Here is my list of essentials.

Camera I have a passion for photography, and bring a camera wherever I go. I have a Nikon D7100, and will bring my Iphone too. Bringing my camera helps me preserve memories and experience places in a new way.  For me bringing a camera is a travel necessity.

Lip Balm When it comes to beauty products I keep it pretty simple. Unless I’m attending an event, I forgo the makeup and expensive hair products. But there is one thing I can’t go with, lip balm. My favorite is Burt’s Bees original. The peppermint calms me, and the formula keeps my lips nice and soft.

Road Atlas We live in a world of GPS and maps at our fingertips. Yet there are still wild places where cell signals drop out, leaving us adrift. It is important to have a set of maps for these. I have also found GPS routes can be unreliable. Once my father and I were coming back from Virginia on I-95. The GPS tried to send us through The Bronx at 11:30pm because “It will save you five minutes.” We didn’t follow its advice because we knew better. Maps give you the knowledge to make more educated travel decisions.

Books I simply can’t go anywhere without books. As an avid reader during free moments I enjoy reading. They are great to have on hand for unforeseen events. If you break down, or face a flight delay it gives you something to do. I am always reading, and always bring my books on any adventure.

Journals Often when traveling inspiration can strike me. I record landscapes and other interesting things I see. When I return home, I go through these journals and pull inspiration for new stories. Thats why I make sure to put notebooks into my travel bags. Then I am prepared when inspiration strikes.

So these are the things that I won’t leave home without. Hopefully you enjoy this list. I would love to hear some of your travel essentials. Im so thankful for my readers. To anyone traveling, I hope your travels are smooth.

Until next time ~

Colleen

Gathering Darkness

The days are getting shorter here in New Hampshire. The nights are dark and the temps are steadily dropping. Soon Winter coats will be pulled from closets and snow will fall.  Honestly, I’m not ready for it. Summer passed quickly, and we only had a few short weeks of Fall. Up north snow has been sighted, and I have a feeling we are in for a Winter. We are tumbling into Winter and the darkness and cold it brings.

063

Receding Fall.

Truth is,  as I have gotten older Winters hit me hard.

Last year was the worst that I have ever had. We had a deep freeze mid December, and I was stuck inside for two weeks.  Life suddenly got very heavy. No matter what I did, I couldn’t pull myself out of my rut. I was sad all of the time,  and couldn’t quantify why. My emotions ran wild, and I barely had control over things. Things were hard, and I could not escape it.

I have some ideas on what may have caused it. The deep freeze was a major part of it. We also lost our dog to cancer. Birdie was a moral support for me. I have a tenancy of being ruled by my emotions. When  I would get overwhelmed and start crying, Bird would always be there to lick my tears away. Her death left a void.

clean computer 2921.JPG

My job was not ideal either. I was dealing with a terrible boss that idea of motivation was micromanaging and verbal abuse. With depression based self esteem issues, that is the last thing I needed. Any addressing it would lead to retaliation, It got to the point where I would cry endlessly on Sunday nights. It was a negative environment, and one I  eventually separated from.

These things together pulled me into despair that I didn’t come out of until June. They made the Winter terrible, and I don’t want to repeat it. The scariest part of it was that I couldn’t be happy. I am generally a positive person, and to be clouded with such negativity really shot me.

141.JPG

So what to do about it? One good thing is that I am aware of it now. That enables me to better fight it. I usually love winter, so to realize halfway through that I was depressed caught me off guard. This Winter, I’m going to work on getting out more even when I don’t feel like it. I’m also going to focus on taking quiet retrospective time, and being mindful. I also am  taking proactive steps. I want to get as much sunshine as I can. I am going to eat healthy, and begin to take vitamin D too. We also have a new member of our family. In June we brought home a Australian Shepard puppy. Just like Bird, she licks my tears from face. Funny how life comes full circle like that.

us2

My Husband, Birdie and I

Maddie

Hopefully the prep will pay off, but only time will tell.

Do any of you suffer from a similar struggle? Or have a suggestion on how to address mine? Let me know in the comments.

 

Colleen

Seasons Changing

So here we are, almost halfway through the week already. I never used to believe the adults when they said as you got older time went by fast. They were right. All around us the leaves are changing, the weather is getting colder. I still can’t believe the Summer is gone. We are getting ready for the Columbus Day influx, here in NH. One final weekend of tourists before the Winter winds blow the remnants of Summer away.

dsc_1867

Falling Leaves. Bennington NH.

I am still working on my pictures, and it finally feels like I am making some progress. I am nearly done with 2015 folder, and working on 2016 as I go. The business is slow, but my pictures are getting better, that has counts for something. I am still working on the website. That has been the biggest challenge, and I am nowhere near finished. I kinda got over my head a bit, not knowing too much about website design and such. But I will figure it out.

dsc_2161

Greenfield NH

I’m trying to get in the habit of writing more. It keeps me balanced, and I find that my moods better when I do write. I feel the jerk towards my fiction, but with November coming up I’m holding off. Until them, I’m just going to keep writing.

Moving on

Hey everyone, sorry once again for the hiatus. I have been on vacation, and once I got back I was busy making plans. Vacation made me once again realize that I do not enjoy the 9-5. I want more out of life, I want a career that challenges me, even if I have to built it myself.

I have made some plans, and done some studying. I took some steps back, with both my writing and photography. but now I’m back, and I am excited about the future.

There will be more updates soon folks, I look forward letting you know,

Colleen