Time To Go

For a chance t get int my head, listen t this song I listened to while I wrote this post. mood, I was listening to this Time Will Tell by Gregory Alan Isakov.

life has been changing. The days are getting longer, as we creep slowly towards Spring. Things are changing in my personal life too. I am in the process of making some big changes. My biggest goal right now is a career change.

 I work as a Para educator, supporting the daily needs of kids with special needs. I have been struggling with the choice for months.  My coworkers will be disappointed. The kids will be disappointed. I will be a quitter if I walk away. We live in a culture that values sticking it out.  There is this myth that in time, things will get better. Yet this isn’t always true.

There is a time to let go.  My work has left me tired, sick and burnt out. I have not felt happy for months. I have moved, making things difficult. The commute is long, and the money isn’t the best. I am losing my own happiness.

I can feel it in my bones. I know myself now, and it is time to go.

 

 

 

 

 

though its hard, I have to follow the path that is best for me.

February round up

I can’t believe that it is already March. As I grow older, the years seems to go by quick. It is crazy to think that we are almost a quarter of the way through 2019. This year, I am following a group of goals, set month by month. This is much easier to track and attain that lofty year long goals.

I am using a special planner this year. It is a monthly planner by a company called Orange Circle Studios. Each month it has a goals section, where you can write down goals, and track daily progress. I love mine, and it is has helped me measure my progress. It has kept me really honest, and I think it has helped inspire growth.

These were my February Goals,

  1. Write One Page everyday
  2. Publish on my blog twice a week.
  3. Guided Journals each days.
  4. Participate in social media for the blog.
  5. self care each day.

So these were the goals. how did I do achieving them? It was mixed honestly. I did really well, but some unforeseen circumstances threw my plans off a bit. I got the flu on the 22nd, which really took the wind out of my sails. But that’s life, sometimes we have to make due with things. luckily I made great strides earlier in the month, so the hit wasn’t as bad.

Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

In the blogging department, I did well. Luckily I posted right before the onset of the flu, So I kept that goal for the month. Eight posts were published, which was my goal. My biggest challenges were the guided journals. This honestly was my fault. The commitment wasn’t really there. I plan to recommit to this in March, and am hoping for better results. The other goals were reached as well. I wrote a page everyday. I also got back into social media marketing. I also worked on my self care as well.

February was a good month. I am happy to be making progress towards my goals. Hopefully I will make the same kind of progress in March. Do you have any goals you are currently working on? Do you set goals monthly, or yearly? Drop your thoughts in the comments! I would love to hear from you.

I hope that you have a productive March

Till Next time

Colleen



Knocked Out

Been under the weather for about a week now. On Friday I caught the flu. I have been out of work since. I ran a fever, caught a cold, and somehow ended up with a case of vertigo. After about six days, I am finally feeling a bit better. Honestly it has been a rough road. I am ready to rejoin polite society now.

It amazes me, how tiny little germs can throw our plans off so badly. They invade our lives, throwing everything out of balance. we think of yourself as invincible. In truth we are fragile, at the mercy of the world around us.

I am taking it how it comes. I could get frustrated but it isn’t wort the effort. I am letting go, and just letting it shake out. I am taking a deep breath, enjoying the rest, and taking lots of naps. I figure sooner or later, it will pass, i just have to be patient.

But I am looking forward to getting back to it.

Finding Myself

I went for a walk to clear my head tonight. The days are still cold, but the bright sun lingers a bit longer each day. I’m exhausted, but trying my best to take advantage the extra daylight. We are living in Manchester, and I take walks up at the local college. Being on campus made me yearn for more. My college experience was very limited, as much of my life has been. Tonight my thoughts drifted to my path so far. I have been too cautious, and there have been direct negative effects on my well being.

My choices have always been based off what is best for everyone, even if it hurts me. My youth was spent as a shield, protecting my sister from my alcoholic mother. I attended a college that wasn’t my choice, because of my parents thought it best. A guidance counselor in high school told me that writing wasn’t a legitimate career. Her word made me question my passion, and set me back years. I chose not to move West based on uneducated opinions. My wedding was complicated by selfish actions of those who I thought would always be there for me. I always go above and beyond for people who don’t deserve it.

I am struggling. My entire life, my personality has been smothered. As a child I was sheltered, never given a chance to fail. My teens were shaped by judgements of those who thought they knew better. As an adult I’ve been surrounded by people who question my choices, and do not value my intelligence. And I have allowed others guide me into this sense of oblivion. I have been turned into a cautious timid person, who avoids change.

That time is done.

2019 is a rebuilding year. The house is being brought right to the ground, and rebuilt by my rules. I am done playing by the rules, and trying to appease everyone. I am off on an adventure, to find myself. My needs are coming first, regardless of what others think.

who knows where my path will lead, but I will be the one who picks the direction.

Wildflowers

Tomorrow is Valentines Day, the one day many people take to celebrate love. For me the holiday has almost became too much. I have a major issue with the way holidays are peddled in the United States.  We are bombard by displays in stores, and TV advertisements for jewelry.  The day has become an excuse to sell stuff. yet at the heart of it, I think there is still some good. There are plenty of people who still use small meaningful gestures to express the holiday. It got me thinking about our new lifestyle. What does minimalist Valentines Day look like?

Thus year is our first Valentines day as a married couple. The day is a big milestone for us. It gives us a chance to look back on the wedding, and our relationship. We have come so far, and there are many exciting days ahead for us.  I’m so thankful that I have someone to share all of my adventures with. We plan on taking it pretty easy tomorrow. We may go out for food, and we will spend some time enjoying each others company. Last weekend we went to Wilson Farm in Lexington, Massachusetts. My husband, Ed got me a beautiful bunch of flowers.

It was the perfect gift.  Flowers are a meaningful symbol in my life. I love the way the Lupines, come out and welcome warm days in the mountains. They are followed by the Black-eyed Susans and Queen Anne’s Lace. In 2017 we said goodbye to our Boxer Birdie in a field of Flowers in Sugar Hill.  The year after my Mother passed away, her Lilac Bush that never bloomed burst out with dozens of colorful, fragrant flowers.  At our wedding our first dance song was a cover of Wildflowers, by the Wailin Jennys and My bouquets had wildflowers.  Flowers remind me of good times, and important  time, both good and bad.  We have had a cold dreary winter, and the flowers remind me of warmer weather. They are the perfect addition to the house.

 I know so many people, who would expect so much more. A simple bouquet would be an insult.  much. Often people get wrapped in these holidays. They feel obligated to show how much they care through things. We have been taught that the size of the price tag should match up with how much we care. For me, its more than that. The spirit of the gift is what means the most. Minimalism is perfect for me, because gestures mean more than things. My husband does not need to buy chocolates or gifts to prove his love, he has done that through his actions. All I wanted was a small reminder of the love that we share, and he gave me that.  The simple gesture of love, will carry me through the rest of the cold February days.  For me that is the perfect minimalist Valentines Day.

Excuse me, while I go enjoy my flowers, and think of Spring.

 

Till next time!

Colleen

 

Cover Photo by Barnes Photography!

 

Throw out the rule book

” I don’t know if you have noticed, but you have been in a better mood.” My husband said offhandedly.

It has been two weeks since we moved back to Manchester. Two weeks since we left the stress of Greenfield behind. Things are better, and I feel happier. It was hard decision to make. We had to take a BIG step back. Yet the positive change in my metal health is showing that it was the right choice.

My marriage has also seen positive changes. The stress of our last place was killing us. Yelling has been replaced by talks and laughter. We have begun to work on our building our relationship again. Greenfield was a negative time for us. I am thankful to be in a positive place in my relationship again.

I didn’t really think of it until he said something. Suddenly I feel free. There is a calm that has overtaken me. I have spent more time engaging in self care. My eyes have also turned to the future in a meaningful way. For the first time in months my head has broken the surface, and I can breath.

I wanted to give an update on everything. The move has made things better for us. It was a chance to downsize, and reevaluate things. It has given us an opportunity to change things. I am treating it as the start of something incredible. I am back at baseline. The foundation we are building we be stronger than ever. This time I am throwing out the rule book.

This is my life, and I finally intend to live it my way.



Less is More

I have been doing a lot of thinking. I am nearing thirty, and feel the pressure of another milestone birthday creeping closer. Choices need to made about how to spend the rest of my life.One thing that I have been thinking about the type of life that I want to lead.

The last few years, I have been focused heavily on accumulation possessions, and it hasn’t made me any happier. Instead I was unhappy, angry, and unfulfilled. The system that we follow makes so little sense to me. We are told to go to College, get married, buy a home to find happiness. We are taught that this is the sole path that will bring fulfillment. If we give up our free time, the possessions will bring us happiness. There is something so tragic about that.

I also think that this has contributed to my heartache. I thought that things would fix my problems. If I got ahead, my past would simply melt away. The truth is that I cannot move forward until I fix the problems from my past. I need a simpler life.

I want to travel with my husband and dog. I want to spend time out in the rolling plains, see the High Rockies, and get to the Pacific. When we return I want a quieter lifestyle not encumbered by things. My whole idea of settling down has changed. I am no longer set on the 1800 square foot house. My dreams are smaller now, but I am eager to reach them.

This year I am rejecting the worm path to success. instead I am going to listen to the quite beating of my heart, and let it guide me to happiness.