Almost two full weeks into September, it seems a great time to reflect on the last few months. Its raining as I sit here, a light fog covering everything. The clouds swirl restlessly, as fog rises up on the road. Fall is all around, from the shorter days to the colder nights. The heat has not broken yet, but it is only a matter of time. The Fall is here, I am looking for a new job, and life will be changing.
When I left the cable company this April, all I knew is that I could not do that job anymore. The freedom was exhilarating. I learned to relax and let go of things for a while. The last four years I have been so busy worrying. I needed the right job, and the right house. Sometimes we get so caught up in the rat race, that we forget how brief our lives are. We forget to take stock, and enjoy the time we have.
I was lucky enough to go out to Colorado. I rolled across the forests of New England, and into the plains of the Midwest. Tumbleweeds crossed my path as we headed towards Denver. I spent one morning knee high in the Atlantic off of Virginia. I spent a month in Maine, putting my heart back together. As my horizons broadened, I learned more about myself. If this writing thing ever takes off I want to travel America, writing about all the little things I see along my way. For me, it wasn’t the majestic scenes, it was the small moments that took my breath away.
I lost my Mother in June. While I am incredibly thankful she is no longer in pain, it has been an adjustment. There is a hole that I am learning to work around. I can keep my composure and carry on, but everyday there are moments when I miss her. I miss the cadence of her voice, and her laughter. I miss her home cooked meals and her kind words when I was hurting. Grief ebbs and flows, sometimes it is a gentle sloshing at your feet. Other times it buffers you and causing you to lose your direction. Value your family, and cherish your parents. No matter what, always tell the people you care about that you love them. You never know when you will see them again.
I tread cautiously into Fall. I am not the same person I was in April. I look at the world with bright eyes, and am thankful. My horizons have wider bounds, and I hope to make them wider. I know the depths of grief now, but I am still here. I mourn the past while looking to the future. I’m going to miss those long, rambling Summer days. Yet I am looking to Fall, and whatever it may bring.